I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
