She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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