so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
