I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
