sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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