omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
