My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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