it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
