We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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