wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
