we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
