i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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