He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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