I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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