"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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