Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
