i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I met the friendliest cop last night
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
