So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
