just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
