I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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