Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
