Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
