so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
