Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
