Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize