a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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