She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
