omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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