That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize