I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
