Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
