After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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