Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
