You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
