I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
MIDGETS
????
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
