1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
