my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize