Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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