i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
