ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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