No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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