I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
