Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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