That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
