I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
