That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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