My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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