She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
