At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
