Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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