This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
