I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
