Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
