he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
