Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This is my gift to your gina
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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