Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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