I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
