If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
