Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
where does the pee come out of this thing
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
