based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
