the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
