Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
