You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
