Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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