erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
