You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
