She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
