Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
