They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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