Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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